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    Baby and marrige

    thexinfo Jan 3, 2012

    1. thexinfo

      thexinfo New Chatter

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      Who here thinks that you should be married before having a baby. I think if you are in love then its ok I mean marriage all you do is sign a paper to say hey look at me I married. Right now my fiancee is 3 months pregnant and we were talking about marriage before she got pregnant. So what do you think about this?
       
    2. APS

      APS Administrator Staff Member

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      I don't think it's important to be married before starting a baby or even important to be married full stop.
       
    3. Smokey

      Smokey Shortie's Teddy Bear <3 Staff Member

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      As long as you're both happy together and love each other and you'll both love and care for the baby then I don't think it matters. I myself, want to be married before having a baby. :)
       
    4. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      I'm against it, because the baby may be born without a loving family, or relatives even. Xd This form would be called cohabitation, I trust?
       
    5. APS

      APS Administrator Staff Member

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      Does a piece of paper (Marriage Lics) guarantee a loving family then ?.
       
    6. Shortie861

      Shortie861 Administrator Staff Member

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      I myself personally think that it is up to the two people involved and their beliefs. I myself don't believe that a couple should be married before having a baby. As long as both love one another and have what it takes to bring a child up in a loving, protected envrionment then I see no problem with that :)
       
    7. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      Maybe I spoke to soon, put it that way, I can see that my stance is rocky.
       
    8. Black Angel

      Black Angel New Chatter

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      I do. A [good] marriage or [stable, long-term] relationship will provide stability and that isn't really something that can happen when your parents are just boyfriend and girlfriend or strangers who just met in a bar the night you were conceived, or were together for less than a year before you were born, and if you get married after the kid is born, then there will always be the question of whether you got married because you wanted to, or because of the kid.

      No matter what, there will always be doubts about the answer given because if you really wanted to get married, then you would have done so before a pregnancy occurred in the first place. Talking about marriage, or being engaged ≠ being married, and if marriage is just a "piece of paper," then what is the harm in going to city hall and getting it done, and then get knocked up. You don't even have to tell anyone, if you don't want to, and that way you wouldn't have to worry about the attention.

      Besides, there are way too many bastards on this planet as it is already. I don't understand why people can't wrap it up, and go on the pill or keep their damn legs closed until someone worth waiting for puts a ring on it. I have seen so many young women out here with no ambition and no goal for themselves, other than to be some dude's baby mama..

      I mean really, why is having 4 kids before you turn 30 such a great thing to aspire to? These women usually want to have as many baby daddies as they can so that they can collect child support from them, just like the other baby mama's in that man's life.

      The sad thing is, when good men, who have their act together, and have worked hard for what they have [rightfully] don't want to waste their lives with these chicks out here that have seen more cock than a chicken farmer, and they have the kids and the baby daddies to prove it, these women have the nerve to say that there are no good men out there.

      My husband and I were together 10 years before we secretly got married in 2010. My [paternal] family has been pressuring us since Day 1 to get married and have kids, as if that was all there was to life. It is pretty sad, because the ones trying to pressure us, haven't the best track record with marriage or relationships and their adult kids don't either.
       
    9. APS

      APS Administrator Staff Member

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      So being married first is not the always the perfect solution.
      I get the impression that the family unit doesn't mean much to you if you prefer to marry in secret and exclude the family.
       
    10. Black Angel

      Black Angel New Chatter

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      Actually, it wasn't about marriage being a perfect solution to anything, we just didn't see a reason not to get married this time around. At that point, everything had fallen into place. We were both finished with school, had most of our debts paid off and were established in our careers, and were financially, mentally and emotionally ready for the next step.

      Your impression couldn't be farther from truth. Family is important to us, but we wanted to get married on our own terms, and when we saw fit, and not because our families said so. This is why we haven't told anyone yet, and it is why we plan on having a ceremony for friends and family at a later date. (I could have sworn that I mentioned that somewhere on this forum.)

      Besides, we don't have any kids, and are not currently expecting either, and so, it isn't as if there was/is any rush to get married in the first place. We didn't want to rush into this, like many others do, and we just wanted to do it on our own terms and we don't regret it either.
       
    11. APS

      APS Administrator Staff Member

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      You did mention it elsewhere but not being parents you wont appreciate how your parents are going to feel knowing you just blocked them out of what should have been 1 of the proudest moments of theirs and your lives.
      A re-run is just not the same.
       
    12. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      Yep it's true, but it seems that mine would never feel proud of me, always knocking me and etc.
       
    13. Black Angel

      Black Angel New Chatter

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      I get what you are saying, and my parents, as in, the ones who were there for me know that we are married, my mother and stepfather know that we are married, as does my husband's parents. We told them first. My great-grandmother died in 2004, and she and my mother raised me and my brother until our stepfather entered the picture in 1995.

      Both of our parents understand the reasons we did, and agree with what we did and they gave us their blessing. My parents couldn't be witnesses because they had to work, as did my father in law, but my mother in law was a witness.

      They were included, but they had to work, I understood that, and they did as well. My birth father only gave my brother and me his DNA, and his last name. He wasn't around for much else, and so, anything he gets from us is a courtesy. My siblings, a couple of aunts and uncles and our closest friends know as well.


      This is why we are having a ceremony and reception later on, as long as the love is there, and everyone is happy to be there, then there is no difference as to which ceremony they attended. My aunts and uncles were just as happy for my grandparents when they renewed their vows, as they were at the original ceremony.
       
    14. APS

      APS Administrator Staff Member

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      That's what confused me then :)
       
    15. Demon_skeith

      Demon_skeith Chataholic

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      my brother and girlfriend are not married and they got a 2 year old kid. And they have a very happy family.

      So no, mirage is not needed and can deny you befits from the government.
       
    16. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      Yep that's true, I'd surmise the only reason some couples get married is because they want to get advantages from the gvnt? XD I mean, some couples in China wed solely because of that.
       
    17. fiona1964

      fiona1964 Chataholic

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      I know a couple that had been together for a long time and had 3 children but because of his family nagging the finally got married after 20years together and guess what them marrage did not work the split with in 2 years of saying I do
      So they got divorce and they are a lot happy and back together