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    Parents attitudes towards their children when they are hit

    Shortie861 Jun 13, 2012

    1. Shortie861

      Shortie861 Administrator Staff Member

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      So, I was at the school today when a young lad the same age as mine got hit by another child the same age. He ran to his dad and told him and his dad turned around and said "Next time hit him back"

      What are your thoughts on this attitude? Do you think it helps?
       
    2. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      You know what, thats called bullyin. I'm going to say it right off here.
       
    3. Shortie861

      Shortie861 Administrator Staff Member

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      I agree Naiwen. I personally believe that if you tell a child to hit a child back that just hit them it's only condoning bullying and not preventing the problem.
       
    4. Grungie

      Grungie Raging Alcoholic

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      Bullies only pick on kids that don't fight back. Bullies wouldn't pick on someone they knew could either fight back and/or beat their *ss
       
      Delirious and Kaynil like this.
    5. APS

      APS Administrator Staff Member

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      I agree,do nothing and they'll be back again.Stand up to them and the fun has gone out of it for them.
       
    6. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      Also abusing. Pulled through this during my childhood years. So yeah, not fun, very disagreeable too.
       
    7. Grungie

      Grungie Raging Alcoholic

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      I still don't consider it bullying if you're fighting back
       
    8. trewqaz

      trewqaz New Chatter

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      I have to agree with Grungie. Bullying is victimizing innocent people. Defending yourself from an attack is not bullying.

      I've told my kids that they have the right to defend themselves in a fight. If someone is picking on them or someone smaller than they are, I'm proud of them when they step up. The answer doesn't always have to be violent, but if someone gets physical with my child I have no problem with them getting physical right back.

      There is no permanent solution to the problem of bullying. The problem with the world is that it's full of too many imperfect human beings. While I want my kids to be kind, respectful, patient and good, I will never expect them to take abuse from anyone. I will punish bullying behavior in my own children if I ever see it and would fully expect another child to stand up to them if they ever decided to try to bully someone else.
       
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    9. Kaynil

      Kaynil Quiet Chatter

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      Perhaps a more detailed talk with the kid would be appreciated, however, it is very likely that the dad probably wouldn't give the speech in the public area anyway. I understand the concerns that if all the advice the kid ever heard is "hit back" the kid may get the wrong idea for a lack of parameters. Not always the first person that hit another started the conflict. Some may do verbal bullying to get the victim to launch an attack and get them in trouble. They need to understand when it is right to hit back and when it is pushing too far. To learn to choose their battles and that not always is worth the hassle. A lot of that come with experiences, but some guidance can help heaps.
      I also think it is important to give the kid confidence in themselves and allow them to accept their imperfections instead of making them feel self-conscious about them. That to laugh at oneself is not a bad a thing. That a person saying something horrible doesn't make it true and shows more about them that whatever they can be pointing out about you.

      As a kid, I was taught, perhaps indirectly, that 'I should not step down to other people's levels'. Therefore, when someone hit me I would try to get away, but it wouldn't occur to me that hitting back was an option, not even calling names.
      I was a very sissy kid and my cousins knew it. They took advantage of it. They knew their parents would just minimise it as 'child's play' and that I wouldn't do anything. They exploited my insecurities and pranked me to their heart's content.

      In school I did get some bullying, I was a teacher's pet to boot. It was very petty. But if there is one story worth sharing is this one:
      There was this guy that would call me names. One day I decided to give him. We had a similar body shape so I figured I had a chance. I ran after him until he had to stop for air. I cornered him. He made a funny self-deprecating joke and we had a nice conversation afterwards. I still don't know if he was trying to get my attention to become friends or he changed his mind after that conversation, but it was the fact that I ran after him what allowed us to have a proper interaction. After that ,we started doing team projects together and became good friends. We haven't seen each other in many years but I still think fondly of him. :showoff:
       
      Last edited: Aug 30, 2016
    10. Delirious

      Delirious New Chatter

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      Fighting back is only defending yourself. I have 2 school aged children and I tell them to hit back, but never to hit first.
       
    11. Naiwen

      Naiwen Chat Addict

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      Or rather I'd say laughing as well for Asian people?